Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Some Walks You Have To Take Alone
Part of me has died today. There is that panic as I search and search my mind anxiously seeking the answer, and that panic of not being able to answer, because there are no words. I don't know, I don't know. All I know is the pain. Inability to explain because I am drowning and I can't open my mouth to tell you lest the water floods through and I'm struggling to hold my head up and all I need is a hand but you keep your feet dry. I open my mouth, and I am sinking. The water drains away, and I blink my eyes to hold them back. The creaking of the door as it sways in the gusts of emotion, and hoping that that someone will fix it and let the light in. Instead, it slams shut, and in the darkness there is no hope for light. As much as I pull and pull, it's stuck. In the depths of black, I hear the soft sound of water dropping. It's filling up again and flooding. Up to my knees, up to my chin, and I am suffocating. I hear a sound at the door, and I try to call for help, and it leaves me. I swallow the hurt, and I choke. I diminish in the darkness. In the darkness there is no left and no right and no wrong. Who can tell when in the darkness I am all alone. Everything hurts, but I am alive. But part of me has died today. Part of me has died.