Saturday, March 17, 2012

Smashed

At the moment, I thought I could just relay the thoughts directly to the one it's meant for, but I realized the thought itself was part of the artwork that underlies most of what I put forward in my blogs, so here I am.

I'm not sure how to describe it; that delicate fragile beauty that represents the aura of a moment or, not just A moment, but the little things that contribute to reaching that moment. For the reason itself that I am here writing this is a combination of being lost in thought while listening and watching a beautiful song and being reminded of another thought I had some time ago, and the thought of wanting to share that fragile moment for what was represented by what I heard and what I saw, and most importantly what I felt because of the first two. That, along with then being asked randomly a question that related so entirely to that fragile thought and those feelings, and tying in to the thoughts that had stemmed from the reminder of previous thoughts.

I was thinking tonight, I'm not sure which song it was, I feel it must have been just all of the songs that had been playing, yet I wasn't entirely there. My mind was miles away and thinking, I'm not sure what exactly, it was just out there lost and somehow at peace, daydreaming. I think one must know the songs that induced the mood to understand the mood; tu jaane na, kaisi yeh judai hai, tadap tadap, dil de diya hai, kal ho na ho instrumental.. and well, I'm not sure but I thought many thoughts and one main thought came out as a result of all the churning my mind did.

I was thinking, before, there was darkness. Tanhai. The empty echoes of what lonely meant, of solitude, of yearning but never having, of waiting, of settling for the state of being alone. Settling, yet still aching. And I was thinking, how back when there was that serendipity of meeting someone who understood, shared, empathized and could...how can I explain it, but like being able to finish sentences..but rather, be able to conclude feelings with that same feeling, because they knew, and knew on such a frequency it was like finding yourself in another - when there was just that chance encounter, the opportunity to be able to fill just however many more moments with being with that reflection of the self was enough, - it was enough and yet you admit you craved more and wanted more but you settled for what you got because it was enough - and it was enough because, all of a sudden, it meant not being alone.

And that realization was like a sudden spread of contentment in my soul, of some magic feeling just filling my heart. Because I realized that no matter how many storms, or lightning bolts, or whatever we threw at one another, no matter how often emotions turned off and got angry or hurt, it was sharing, feeling and thus living and...and it meant not being alone.

And when you were and are not, how can you not want the storms?



Kaisi ye judai hai, aankh bhar meri aayi hai
Mera dil doob raha, ise bas ab doobne do
Ye pehli bar hua, ye kyu ehsaas hua
Mera dil ab toot raha, ise bas ab tootne do….

Mujhe bas ab rone do,is gam ko behne do
Ye sath jo toot raha, ise aaj bas chhootne do
Kaisi ye judai hai.. aankh bhar meri aayi hai
Mera dil doob raha ise bas ab doobne do

Ek bat satati hai, jab teri yaad aati hai
Kyu mujhse rooth gaya, jaane kyu door gaya
Ye pehli bar hua, ye kyu ehsas hua
Jane anjane kyuu…mujhe tumse pyar hua
Hanste hanste rota hu, rote rote hansta hun
Phir khud se kehta hun…jo hona tha…hoo hi gayaa.

3 comments:

  1. This might sound weird but this is the fourth or fifth time that I've read this post ( all on separate days) and I don't know how I should comment.
    But for some unknown reason I love reading this post over and over again...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) ... I'm speechless. I don't think there is anything I need to say because I feel there is some underlying understanding between us - despite us having been strangers, and still remaining so in a way... I'm touched. ♥

      Delete