Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Villain I Am.

I am so incredibly happy! I can't explain the feeling, the revelation behind being understood truly! This is by far the most accurate quiz on what type of villain I am, and the feeling it brings to me is such that I just have to share this joy.


You're the DARK AVENGER!
The Dark Avenger is emotionally dead, at least that's what she thinks. She used to be a normal, happy person, but then something tragical happened and she lost it. Now she seeks justice and hunts down those who wronged her, and doesn't let anything or anyone get in between her and her revenge. The thing is that even if the Dark Avenger got her revenge, she would probably still go on killing and destroying rampantly, because the tragedy that changed her life changed her soul for good. She avenges her tragedy over and over again to anyone, or anything. She tries to fill the empty gap in her heart with the blood she spills, knowing that it will never be enough.

Strengths: The Dark Avenger may be also physically strong and blessed with special powers, but her greatest assert is still her determination. She's ready to go as far it takes to get what she wants.

Weaknesses: Traumas and surpressed memories of the past. Reminding her of the pain that turned her into what she is, or the happiness she felt before it happened may distract her.

Famous Dark Avengers: O-Ren Ishii from Kill Bill, Carrie from Carrie, the ghost from the Grudge.

If you ever became a fictional villain, you'd be the Dark Avenger because you feel very angry inside,thinking that the world has hurt you badly, and sometimes you wish you could hurt the world back twice as bad just to let everyone know how you feel. To avoid this, just keep in mind that revenge is never the answer, because hurting others doesn't help you heal yourself, nor will it change the past. If you feel empty inside, filling yourself with hate will only make things first.

I'm not this evil, but if I were to be, this is pretty apt. :D

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Naina lagiyan baarishan
Te sukke sukke sapne vi pijj gaye
Naina lagiyan baarishan
Rove palkan de kone vich neend meri
Naina lagiyan baarishan
Hanju digde ne chot lage dil te
Naina lagiyan baarishan
Rut birha de badlan di chhaa gayi

These lines are just amazing. Everytime I make myself not hear the song -- despite it being overplayed, as usual -- and I come back to it, the lyrics just take my breath away again.

It's just so amazing to come to terms with the fact that everything we experience is already been experienced that many times over. We feel that living it, feeling it, loving, hurting, pain, all of those things we meet with face on is some part of what makes us unique, what makes us distinct. We have to come to realize that we are not. We aren't. We don't want to be just anyone, another number. But what makes us different.

What makes our pain anything more special?

I found that we might prefer to hold on to our pain because it stimulates a purpose within. To attempt to even eradicate this pain may be akin to losing ourself, our sense of identity. I don't know what it is, but even continuance with that pain lessens the pain itself. It's so hard to let go of it, but it somehow cures it of itself. For, that pain that has been felt changes the pain itself, it changes the love itself, and beckons the question whether if that love has changed, can it then persevere? How can you reconcile this love that has been blurred back to the distinct image you once had. I don't know. I don't have the answers. If I did, I guess I wouldn't have asked them.


I just know that I ask myself why I pass this time in this occupation when there is much of the world I could dedicate this energy to.

It doesn't have to end in love really, does it? I mean, just because I don't get a happy ending does not mean that I can't make one for the world, for others, right?

Sometimes, you just have to bear the pain; when it hurts the most -- like cutting off a part of yourself that has become diseased -- you just have to grit your teeth together, hold your head high, face to the sky, breath in the oxygen, and it would almost look as if you were smiling.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

For You ~

You Have To Stay Strong
Have you ever felt like all hope is lost?
Being so desperate,
No matter the cost?

Then listen now,
To what I have to say,
It'll give you hope,
And might change your life today.

Look back and remember,
All the good memories forever.
Think about the people you care,
And the happy moments that you've shared.

You have to stay strong,
And give life another chance,
Know that your needed,
It could be your only defence.

Always remember that,
When things go wrong,
It's not the end of the world,
You have to stay strong.

haha :D I know I sound a bit hypo, but what can I say? It usually takes me a down to find a way back up - and it isn't just the being up again that is important, it's what I've learnt on the journey (yes, I know you know this as well but I just have to say it, for it to be said :)). It's a shaky stage, and when you're finding a way back into the light, you almost feel the layers shedding, you feel the change -- inside and out. It hurts too, can't deny that. It hurts because you have to let go of those layers that have kept you safe for so long. But it's time to become reafreshened. I know that isn't a word, but it suits na. :D I can't even point out what it was that made me feel this way this morning. In fact, I am not even sure I will go back into my blanket of fallen layers in search of missing parts that don't feel so good without. Can't guarantee anything na :D But I can guarantee that here I am for you, despite however alone you feel now and then. Can't be there for every minute you know, but then again, that's what makes being there for you through it all all the more important, nay- special.

Sometimes, you've been protected from so much in life. And funniest thing you learn is that those who have been worried for you the most, those who seemed to care the most, who wanted you to be safe from being hurt the most, they're the ones who pull the tableclothe away and make it all break- inside. And hey, what else could hurt the most than that, right? Maybe that's why it does hurt. Because they had such a special place, and they let that go, apparently without a care.

In any case, all we can do is let them go too. In the end we all join the light alone na? Without anyone else's help too. Can you imagine that. WHOA :D haha

So stay strong my friend, I will for you, and you will for me. Because in the end, it's us. No matter what. :)

This is the song that's making me feel like just staying face up in the hawa and sunshine that's shining down on me like a song by itself. :D

Bulla kahe tuu kucch bhi nahin
Main bhi kahoon main kucch bhi nahin
Naa des mera;Naa mitti meri
Main hoon banjaara
Meri hi zameen pe
Main kaun hoon... Main kaun hoon
Kyon apne jahaan me
Main hoon ajnabee

Naa jaane kyon aisa ho gaya
Begaani hui apni jagah
Naa jaane kyon apni hi taraf

Utttee hain sabhi ki ungliyaan
Ab toh yakeen khud pe bhi nahin
Anjaana hain har lamhaa yahaan
Nazre churaaye aankhein jhukaaye
Kab tak jeeye hum is tarah
Kaisi khata thi jo yeh sazaa di
Humko kahin ka naa rakhaa

Jannat thi apni sarzamee
Sufi humko kehte sabhi
Ab toh koi mujrim koi aatanki keh rahaa
Main kaun hoon... Main kaun hoon

Kyon apne jahaan me
Main hoon ajnabee

Chehre to sabke hain haseen
Par dil main hain bas aag hi
Bujhti nahiin jo jal rahi
Jo pooche baarhaan

Main kaun hoon... Main kaun hoon
Kyon apne jahaan me
Main hoon ajnabee



Tuesday, October 12, 2010


So I did this personality analysis thing at this Japanese Happy Science (buddhist) booth awhile ago. You answer one question, your choice leads you to another question, which leads to another depending on your answer, etc. The first question was which animal appeals to me most, and my answer was a white magical flying horse. So, eventually you get a final output on your personality type.

This is me.

6.Artistic and big-hearted guardian spirit with a great sense of harmony. Your guardian spirit loves arts, music, and nature equally. Those guided by this type of spirit have an evolved aestethic sense and exhibit their individuality in their home and fashion. This spirit craves freedom and will not be tired down in organizations. You emphasize harmony and do not like fighting. You are aloof and easygoing and others may misunderstand you to be a strange person. The inspirational word form your guardian spirit is "courage". Vienna is an ideal desitnation if travel is in your plans.

Tere bagair tadpa karein
Tere bagair sapne rootha karein
Maana ke hai duniya haseen
Tere bagair duniya hum kya karein
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya

Tere bagair beraunaki
Tere bagair khushiyan, hum kya karein
Mausam sabhi hain dard ke
Tere bagair aur yeh tanha karein
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya

Dhoop pheeki lagey, din udaasi bhara
Shaam roothi lagey, haal yeh ho gaya
Jaagte hum rahein, karwaton se kahein
Khwaab hi woh koi dhoond laaye naya

Neendein meri bhaagi hui
Tere bagair raatein ab kya karein
O bekhabar, o bekadar
Tere bagair har pal bikhra karein
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya
Dilkash dildaar duniya, tera dedaar duniya
Hum jo na paaye tujhko, toh hai bekaar duniya


Thursday, October 07, 2010



After such a long long time, I've been infected with the sunshine bug! It feels so great, I honestly can't describe this feeling. Despite everything else that may be pulling me down and around and around, there it is, me living through it all :D

I miss those good old days, everyone used to call me Sunshine ehehe just hearing it being called from far and around the corner and everything, it was like my new name, it replaced my name. Just got a dose of flashback - I miss it, but like someone who was one of the best friends I had, for however short that time - it's up to me to live it, now! A whole bunch of songs from Aashayein are playing and all of a sudden, it's like a butterfly flying around me and then finally landing and its like CLICK its back home where it belongs.

For however short this feeling lasts, at least I'll have it down for record.


Let the Sunshine In! :D

Ab hai ujaala, ab hai savera
Ab inn hawaon, pe kar loon basera
Ab main zamaane ko humraaz kar loon
Ab aasmaano pe parwaaz kar loon
Iss pal mein, hai mujh ko jeena
Ab mujhko jeena

Nakaamiyon se darna kya
Jeene se pehle marna kya
Jhoom kar mera dil ab yeh mujh se kahe
Zindagi hai to zinda dili bhi rahe
Ab iraadon ko hai thaan lena
Ab to khwaabon pe hai jaan dena
Iss pal mein, hai mujh ko jeena
Ab mujhko jeena

Anjaana kal na maanoon main
Yeh pal hai apna jaanoon main
Yahan chaaron taraf pyaar ke silsile
Dekho veeraniyon mein bhi dil hain mile
Apni manzil ki mujh ko khabar hai
Ab to himmat meri humsafar hai
Iss pal mein, hai mujh ko jeena
Ab mujhko jeena


Wednesday, October 06, 2010


It's cold!

"It's not that I'm afraid anymore - I'm not. It's just that I'm skeptical. I'm skeptical that things are going to be normal again. I doubt that we'll ever be the same - and I guess I am afraid I'll miss who we were."

Every betrayal begins with trust.

I figured out that betrayal doesn't just mean an act of deceit in some form. Betrayal is not just turning around and stabbing someone in the back. Sometimes even trust itself is continously there, when betrayal occurs. Betrayal in the mind. Betrayal in the heart. Just a thought. I mean, I'm here, you're there. We have this deep ingrained sense of understanding each other, of believing we know the other person for what they are, and yet, as the day gets longer, sometimes it is the lack of any act at all that taints the very same trust. You question it, because in having that deep sense of trust, you realize that you take it for granted; that's what the trust is. But when you realize this, you wonder if taking it for granted is actually eroding that trust, because when you keep assuming it is there, you sometimes wish to corroborate that; and sometimes that person isn't there to do so. Or simply doesn't. And that lack of effort on their part makes you question it further -- don't they care? Perhaps it's a reverse psychological reaction, but it's still a stain on the pure white; you can grow from it but it was in some form of conveyance, a level of some betrayal. Who knows. I certainly don't.

Song for today :D

O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon ko na badah
Dekh le hai pyaar ka kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha
O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon ko na badah
Dekh le hai pyaar ka kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha
Kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha ..

O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon, bechainiyan hai jawan
Meri nazar dhoonde tujhe tu kahan
Haan tujhko main aankhon ka kaajal bana loon
O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon, bechainiyan hai jawan
Chaahungi main yuhin tujhe bepanha
Haan tujhko khushi sa labho pe saja loon
O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon ko na badah
Dekh le hai pyaar ka kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha
Kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha ..

Roop hoon teri dhoop hoon
Tu suraj hai mann ka mere
Ya ghani main hoon roshni
Ab chalte hoon dhalte hoon tujhko hi
Haan mere ik pehar, tu kahe thehar
Toh jaaon nagar se tere
Har ghadi mushkilon bari
Kyun lagti hai jo bhi badalti hai bin tere
Tu mile toh silsile, ho shuru jo hai khuda ki raza
Tere bina hai zindagi bemaza
Tu mil jaaye toh main jahan se chhupa loon
O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon, bechainiyan hai jawan
Meri nazar dhoonde tujhe tu kahan
Haan tujhko main aankhon ka kaajal bana loon
O bekhabar, o bekadar, betaabiyon ko na badah
Dekh le hai pyaar ka kaisa nasha mujhpe chadha

Dreams Do Not Die

Khwaab marte nahin
Khwaab dil hain na aankhein na saansein ke jo
Rezaa-rezaa hue to bikhar jayenge
Jism ki maut se yeh bhi mar jayenge

Khwaab marte nahin
Khwaab to roshni hain, navaa hain, hawa hain
Jo kaale paharon se rukte nahin
Zulm ke dozakhon se bhi pukhte nahin
Roshni aur navaa aur hawa ka alam
Maqtalon mein pohanch kar bhi jhukte nahin

Khwaab to harf hain
Khwaab to noor hain
Khwaab to suqraat hain
Khwaab mansoor hain


Friday, October 01, 2010



Hello October!

Can't really believe that September has gone so fast. I feel like it's gone in a blink of an eye, not really being able to recall what happened; and yet, so much has happened, so much has changed. Isn't that what September usually denotes? Change. The decline in temperature, the colours emerging on leaves, the fall of them at the whisper of wind, the start of new things. And, yes, so much, in fact, quite alot, has changed, both outside, and somehow within. Some things, granted will always be there, irremovable, because it's that much a part of yourself. But then again, life itself is dynamic, and succumbs to change.

Why is change one of those recurring themes? Because it's so constant? It's one of those things you can continuously expound on. It hurts in many cases, but you've still got to accept it. Embrace it.

I had a beautiful day. That's saying something for the first of October. It's another of those firsts, that have you feeling like its a new slate, ready for that splash of color. First, it was what I call my Tum Se Hi weather, you know it: bright blue skies, wispy white clouds, and plenty of sunshine. Recipe to make your heart smile. Also perfect Sitting on the Bench writing weather. Yes! After months, I was back on my orange bench under the (still green) trees, with the warm sun beaming on my head, writing! Trust me when I say this, but that's one of the best feelings ever, and yeah, there are alot of them.

You want to know what's another? Missing someone so much you almost hate them, feel miserable, wake up feeling horrible, you miss them when they're right there! It's a killing feeling, but let me tell you, it makes you feel wonderful deep down inside to know that feeling. It's confusing, yes, but it makes you feel a little more ..alive.

Sometimes you just can't help but smile, no matter what you're feeling, because, well, you're feeling.

Today, haven't got a song, rather, a shair.

Mujhe yaad hai woh din
jab main bhaage bhaage tumhaare paas aati thi
tumhe bataane …ke suno, aaj aisa hua ke..

Aur tum.. hanskar
Mere ehsaasaat se bekhabar
Mujhse kehte
"phir kabhi bataana ...abhi zara masroof hoon"

mooh latkaaye chalee jaati thi
par intezaar rehta
tumhe bataane ka..
ke aaj aisa hua ke..

bewaqoof thi main
aur itni…yeh kabhi nahin socha
ke tumhe kya …agar aaj aisa hua ke…

aur jab ..
aaj aisa hua ke...
main tumhaaree taraf mudee
rokk liya maine apne aap ko
sambhal gayi hoon ab main…shaayad?

par phir bhi gham hai
ke aaj aisa hua ke….

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