Friday, April 16, 2010



I have been practically aching to get to my blog and write about the amazingness of spring, and it's been days and days of not having the opportunity to do so. Not only that, it's been a hell of a week of what could be called frustrations because me being me, every little thing pretty much inspires me, or fascinates me, or sets me thinking, or perhaps daysdreaming, up there in the clouds.

The thing is, I carry notebooks everywhere I go. I have books at home. I carry one in my bag (ok, two), and I even keep one at work. Why? Because I write incessantly, and if it were possible (which it is not), almost as much as I think. I don't think too much. I think more than too much, and to my thinking, that just isn't too much! What do I do with the things I write? Nothing really. I mostly share some of it here on my blog. Otherwise, I come up with all these thoughts that seem to nudge that boundary of knowledge a bit farther, and in some attempt at keeping it, I write it.

Now this week, I had so much to write, and guess what, I didn't have a PEN. Or rather, I did, but it died! When I opened it up to examine it properly, I got ink all over my hands. Great. And every day I would suddenly come up with something to write, and pull out my notebook, and rummage in my bag, to come up with the dead pen and realize I still hadn't put a new pen in. I cannot even put in words that amount of things that set my mind wandering and wondering. So many little things! So many little things that somehow become big things. I don't know how to explain how the smallest things bring such a great amount of happiness. Even hearing my friend -mind you, who has never been really ANGRY at me- hearing her ANGRY at me, and ready to cuss and everything; That made me happy too! Being angry at someone else and them telling me to keep my anger in check- boy, that made me happy too! Being unhappy makes me happy. I don't know! It's just the amazing vastness of possibilities that I keep encountering in life.

My dad, who on a level of his own is my very own best friend, he once said that I have the mind of a 5 year old, and always will. It's simply the way I find everything as if I have just seen it for the first time. On one hand I have this deep thinking that makes people call me 'mature', and a way of understanding people that kind of scares them, but I think it is just because of being able to relate and well, of course the experiences one goes through in life as well.

So that brings me to the greatest thing happening in life nowadays: SPRING!!!! A few days ago, when I set foot outside ready for another day, all I could think about was the world was so amazingly GREEN!!!!

The lush grass, the budding trees, the dewy leaves, it's just as beautiful as a newborn baby entering the world, because that's just what the world has been doing again and again each year around. But, by God, it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

Now that I said that much I HAVE to write the coolest thing I witnessed one night ago - A shooting star! It was beyond incredible. Mostly, because it was gone in a second, and if I hadn't been staring up at the sky watching the stars as I walked home that night, watching the constellations and thinking how the Big Dipper looks like half a heart because the third star in it's pan was dim, and if I hadn't turned the corner at my street and entered it, I wouldn't have seen it. But in that one second, I did. It was an occurance that happened in a blink of an eye, but for that moment in a lifespan, I witnessed it.

I can't emphasize enough on how it is such little amazing things like these that brings me a new love for life itself. A star that goes by in the blink in an eye. A person who you just smile at, and becomes your best friend. A bird that flies by, stopping you for a fraction of a second to watch it, saving you from getting run over by a drunk driver running a red. Just a word, or just the way it is said. Just an email, or the way it is worded, which smileys is used, which are not. All the little intricacies that make up everything we encounter, all of it building up who we are, and who we could be.

In the past week, I've battled with ups and downs in emotions regarding people. Selfishness and selflessness. People who don't make steps forward in a relationship, but require people to do all the walking towards them. How does it work? How much can one person keep trying when the other doesn't seem to care? How can you let them know that they mean so much that you keep trying, even when they seem not to notice. And ultimately, when do you let go? We are all a little bit selfish, to different degrees. Because to be selfish is to be able to survive. Pushing people away from us is one way of surviving. Depending on people is another person's way. And then there is death, the ultimate reaper. When death takes someone we love away, which survival tactic then saves us? ...

Mind you, I've pretty much summarized the thoughts that have swirled around in my head all week here. In my notebook, they are pages and pages. Maybe one day, I'll share them as well.                    

No comments:

Post a Comment