Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Just A Feeling

A friend once told me "Hunger is just a feeling. Drink a glass of water, and it goes away." Of course, that's a bit simplifying things to its barest essentials. Forget about nourishment, and hormones, and all the galores of our body's workings. Forget all that. It's true, hunger dissipates when quenched, even if temporarily, by a glass of water. Hey, that's been my lifesavor and surefeit solution from years immemorial. But in its essence, how simple it seems. If it were only a feeling, can one then substitute others into its place and still remedy it by similar means?

Love is just a feeling. Drink a glass of water and it goes away.

If only it were that easy? Or rather, if it were, then is the feeling all its shouted up to be?

In and out of love - what exactly is this phenomenon. A ruse of fools? A pandoras box of possibilities? A dreamers illusion? An escapist's detour?

One night, you're overcome by all those thoughts that bely you the little sleep you crave to crash over you. Thought upon thought, realization upon resolution, self puzzlements to self promises, and sleep fails to be found. Emotions surge to the fore and take you towards new shores of feeling.

And finally, in the dusky lights pervading towards dawn, sleep slips over lightly like a blanket.

Then you awaken, and everything, all those profound thoughts, all those awe inspiring emotions, all those mountains you climbed over night, all those tidal waves you overcame, has eluded you once again, everything, all of it, is gone with awakening. You've slipped back down to the foots of the mountains, and you've floated back towards the shores you've started from.

What was it, if nothing?

Sometimes you find pain. Or does it find you? When you meet it, does it even matter which reached out to the other? Because once found, it numbs everything else out of oblivion; nothing else even matters except that pain itself.

And last night I cried. After a long time, I cried for someone who wasn't worth my tears.

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